No man should be able to tell a woman what to deforest

So Ken ‘I don’t date girls that are into deforestation’ (simpering tone) has decided he’s dumping Barbie.

I’m sorry Ken, but do you live in inner Melbourne? You’re clearly one of those ‘sensitive types’ who pretend to be all snag but are just as patriarchal as the next man.

Your apparent concern for your girlfriend’s moral welfare reeks of the utmost hypocrisy, and is really just an excuse for controlling behaviour. Barbie’s hobbies shouldn’t be of any concern to you.

Barbie, let him go. You don’t need him. He’s not even hot. His brassy bouffant looks a little gay. I think he is gay.

Be a ‘skanky hoe’ (deliberately spelled like the garden rake) and be proud of it. Reclaim the term. Don’t let those misogynistic, fun-hating Greenpeace wowsers get you down. I actually think they’re threatened by capitalist women.

More info on the misogynistic campaign.